Category: Uncategorized

Lavender Chamomile

Lavender Chamomile

I almost cried the first time I saw a penis. I hadn’t solicited the impromptu viewing party; in fact, I had explicitly requested the opposite. He had never been a very good listener, pawing his way into my jeans even after my own hands quietly reminded his to move back […]

Out of the Darkness: A Call to Support Suicide Prevention

Disclaimer: If you feel you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is a free, 24-hour hotline, at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Your call will be connected to the crisis center nearest to you. If you are in an emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  […]

A Therapy Swan Song: Two(ish) Years of Learning to be Brave

On Monday, my therapist said she thinks we’ve reached the “maintenance” stage of my sessions. That basically means that we’ll do a check-in at the end of the month and, as long as I feel comfortable and my progress has maintained, I can move to scheduling on an “as-needed” basis. […]

Embrace the Squish

One of my rules of recovery is that scales are off-limits. My nutritionist had me do a “blind weigh” at my initial appointment because she needed record of my weight (to make sure there were no dramatic fluctuations one way or another), but I did not. I generally do really well with the no-scale […]

But How Will My Slippers Know I Loved Them? And Other Musings of an Overly-Empathetic Millennial

When I was growing up, I thought everything had feelings. Especially things with faces. I had a pair of fuzzy slippers with a smiling moon on one foot and smiling star on the other that I loved more than most humans in my life at the time. I wore them […]

Enough

One of the most annoying things about mental illness is going into therapy thinking you’re in an awesome place and leaving with emotional burdens you didn’t even know you had been carrying. That’s what happened to me on Monday. I walked in, proud to tell my therapist about how I […]

Greener

Having anxiety means I’m always worrying about 20 steps ahead or romanticizing 20 steps behind me. Like a lot of people, it can be hard for me to disconnect from that defense mechanism to truly enjoy the moment I’m in. I feel like I’m constantly preparing for catastrophe or remembering […]

The Gifts of Anorexia

“Amor fati” is the philosophical concept of seeing everything that happens in your life (including suffering, loss, and hardship) as good or, at the very least, necessary. In Latin, amor fati translates to “love of fate” or “love of one’s fate.” Basically, everything that happens to us is among the […]

Getting By With (A Lot Of) Help From My Friends

This was the first week I spent in my new apartment. I started out on a bit of an adrenaline high adjusting to my new space and enjoying the freedom that living alone affords.  Then Wednesday night hit, and I suddenly became aware of the reality of my aloneness. So […]

Break

I was 18 the first time I got my heart broken. I remember finally understanding what that English teacher (who I reference all the time) meant when he said that the meaning behind “broken heart” is often lost in modern society. I’d been hurt before, but I had never experienced […]